Frustration

Well, I totally jinxed us with that last post. The very next day, I got a call from the school that Daniel was having a melt down and I needed to come over. I haven't had that kind of phone call in months!! It turns out that Daniel was taking a test, didn't know the right answer to a fill in the blank question and the frustration over that just built and built and built until he just let it take over. He started hitting himself in the head with his fists, when the teacher went to call the office he freaked out ran off to towards the bathroom and when she ran after and caught him he had a screaming melt down and had to be carried out. Whoa! Of course, by the time I got to school he had calmed down. We talked (again!) about what we can do when we get frustrated - take a deep breath, ask for help, skip this one and go to the next problem, pray. He knows all of the right answers but in the heat of the moment, he just lets the anger and emotion carry him away.

I have noticed his frustration really cranking up lately. When he can't do something (tie his shoe, button the top button, cut something out, whatever) he really gets frustrated and has an overreaction. He will start crying and kicking his feet, just falls apart. If I am right there, I can usually say something in a teasing way to make him laugh and that will break the tension and then he can ask for help before it goes too far. But I am realizing that in doing that, I am not really helping him. Because I am not always going to be there and he needs to learn how to work through that emotion and make a good choice when I am not around to make him laugh. WOW - this is tough one to learn. Especially when there is so much emotion tied to it! I am thinking I need to back off a little, let him get frustrated and try to work it out and then coach him through it a little. Just so he can experience that feeling and learn how to react appropriately. We all get angry and frustrated but it's a matter of making a good choice when that happens.

I told him, he isn't going to know everything - that's why we send him to school. He is there to learn. So when he doesn't know, he doesn't have to get upset - that's when you ask the teacher. Of course, on a test - she can't tell him the answer. (so then the mom guilt kicks in - I should have helped him be better prepared) She is worried when they get into the standardized testing towards the end of the year - it's going to be an issue. She can't deviate from the script when giving the test and if he falls apart he won't be able to take the test. She is going to send me some practice test so we can start practicing what to do when we come to a question that we don't know the answer to. It's OK to skip it and go to the next one, but that's totally not his personality. He simply cannot leave a blank and move on. He gets totally paralyzed by not knowing the answer. I guess it's a learned skill so we are going to practice it. (it's just so hard because we have also been working on not being a quitter - you finish what you started - quitters never win. Now this message is totally opposite - skip the question and move on - isn't that quitting?)

So yes, we still are having challenges but he is still an unbelievable sweetie. Check this out....

Tonight he was telling me, 'Mom, I wish God made you smaller so you could be in First grade. You could be in my class and I could have you at school.' How sweet is that?